WE ARE CALLED TO LOVE AND RESPECT

The scripture gives us an important emphasis as husbands and wives.
Husbands are told, specifically, to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Wives are told specifically to respect their husbands as the church does Christ (Ephesians 5:33).

One could, therefore, correctly deduce from the above that we are called as believers, to love and respect. It will then mean that a woman loved by her husband will grow in loveliness, while a man respected by his wife will become more respectable. But when any of the two (love or respect) is absent from either of the parties involved, the foundation upon which the relationship is built becomes shaky. “And if the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psalm 11:3 - KJV).

From statistics, women are better at loving than men are. Men do well at respecting. Men tend to think of love as “not giving trouble to others” while women think of love as “taking trouble for others” – which is much closer to agape love than what men naturally do.

Therefore, men must be called to sacrifice for their wives, to take trouble for them (that is, to love them), as Christ gave Himself for the church. In the same vein, women must be urged to respect their husbands. This is because a woman can naturally love a man she does not honour or respect very much, and this is what Paul would identify as a trouble. How many times have we heard of a terrible girl returning to her abusive boyfriend because she “loves him”, even though he treats her like dirt? But if we asked her if she respects him, she would reply, “are you kidding? Him?”

MEN RUN ON RESPECT, WOMEN ON LOVE
If the Bible said that sheperds should feed the sheep, a reasonable inference would be that sheep need food. When husbands are told to love their wives, we can infer from this that wives need to be loved. When wives are told to respect their husbands, we can infer from this that husbands need to be respected. Let us picture this as two kinds of car that run on different kinds of fuel – diesel and petrol. Therefore, let us say “husbands run on respect, and wives run on love.”

SIGNS THAT YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T LOVE YOU ANY MORE:
Once you begin to notice the following traits, please, consider that the love might no longer be present in the relationship any more:

INTOLERANCE AND IRRITATION
Once your partner starts getting easily irritated by common forgiveable actions, mistakes, error of omission or commission, and other simple corrigible inadequacies, then, be sure that these might be pointers to depreciation of love. He shouts at every little mistake repeatedly, he constantly rattles and rants about how things are poorly handled by you or how you should or should not have done this or that, then the love is gradually waning.

WITHDRAWS AND KEEPS TO HIMSLEF OR HERSELF
Withdrawal syndrome is another sign of waned love. If he/she begins to keep to himself/herself, prefer being left alone in the room, avoid contacts and other forms of relating with one another, then the fire of love might be burning low.

LACK OF COMMUNICATION
Once communication is absent in all its ramifications, that is verbally, attitudinally, romantically and sexually, then love is heading for the rock.

SUBSTITUTION OF PARTNER’S PRESENCE AND ATTENTION WITH PHONE OR OTHER DEVICES
 This applies to both partners. Fumbling with your phone, surfing, chatting and blushing to some illusionary friends on social media while your partner seeks your attention represent nothing but the height of disconnection and disrespect which are unhealthy to the flourishing of a relationship. Being inattentive or half-attentive to your partner while talking to you or replacing “his place or presence” with a multimedia device of any kind either meant for chatting or entertainment, can be most damaging, destructive and injurious to any relationship you seek to build or retain.

If you are the type that often assumes a “typist role” on the keyboard of your smartphone or device while your partner is talking or seeks your attention, or a social-media freak, or crazy follower of celebs and entertainers and you do not know when to draw a line between the reality and fantasy that exists between the two options before you, then, you have signed up your love for eventual crash-landing which requires some divine hands to safe.  When this continually happens between partners, then the love is as good as gone.

SIGNS THAT YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T RESPECT YOU.
You don’t need a relationship expert to notice the obvious signs of a disrespectful partner. But we often allow emotions to cloud our judgments.

Here are some obvious signs of a disrespectful partner:


HE/SHE DOESN’T LISTEN TO YOU
Having someone who can listen to you at your best and worst moments in life is one of the essentials of a relationship. So also is being an active and attentive listener. When you start to feel as though your partner is constantly giving you a less than average amount of attention or shows little interest when talking to him/her. It could be a sign that he/she don’t respect you enough.


HE/SHE LIES TO YOU
Honesty and openness are underrated in modern day relationships. Being open and honest with your partner is one of the building blocks of any healthy relationship. An early sign or indicator of a disrespectful partner is one that constantly lies about trivial things. Lying to your partner makes your partner feel that he/she does not deserve to know the truth and this is unhealthy and injurious to a relationship because it is not a good feeling.


HE/SHE DOES NOT PRIORTISE YOUR NEEDS
No one wants to be the second option/fiddle. This is why it is necessary to always carry your partner along when making any plans, not as an after-thought. If your partner does not seem to care about making or keeping plans with you and you only stumble on the completed planned tasks once in a while, or if he/she always prefers to spend time with friends rather than with you, then that’s a major sign of disrespect.


HE/SHE GIVES ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL ATTENTION TO OTHERS
Most people can’t take what they dish. When your partner frequently “jokes” about being attracted to or interested in someone else, or develops so much admiration that he/she could not stop talking about him/her in a manner suggestive of trapped attraction in your presence, then consider it disrespectful to you and your relationship.


So, then, men and women should love and respect each other. They should do so with all their hearts. If relationships must translate into marriages, the men should lean towards love and the women should embrace the values of respect. Peter tells us that reverent and chaste behaviour (not necessarily in empty flamboyance and temporal ornamentation) can break a man’s hardened and disobedient spirit (1 Peter 3:1-2). The results of strict adherence to these can be astonishing.